What do you expect?

From yourself, from your family, from those you lead…what do you expect?

Expectations are powerful things. They say a lot about what we believe about ourselves and what we believe about others. 

    Are you someone who has higher expectations of yourself than you have of other people? 

    Vice versa? 

    Are you someone who believes others should know what you expect without telling them? 

    Or do you explicitly share your expectations like a measuring stick for others 
    to follow – or not follow? 

We all tend toward various ends of these extremes.

In college, I studied something called Expectation Violation Theory. It states that when an expectation is not met or is “violated” – even positively – trust between the two parties is impacted. This is a powerful concept and underscores the importance of having accurate and reasonable expectations both of ourselves and of others. Trust is what enables partnerships to function in a healthy way. If we are working on something – anything – with another person, we need to find ways to protect trust. Expectation faux pas cause frequent friction. Luckily, this is also an area that can be improved with some intentional action and practice.

Successful people have mastered the art of matching their expectations to ability – both their own and others’. The most important differentiator, though, is how successful people communicate their expectations:

1.)   Know who you’re talking to.

How can you match your expectation to another’s ability if you don’t know their ability? The better we know those from whom we expect certain behaviors or outcomes, the higher our chance to make that match. Take the time to really get to know people. Ask good questions. Then LISTEN to the answers. 

2.)   Communicate your expectations.

Others can’t read your mind. How often could miscommunications be avoided if we just clearly and respectfully share with others what we expect from them? Have conversations - easy ones, hard ones, awkward ones and funny ones. Just have them. 

3.)   Speak their language.

Communicating is the first step – but if others don’t hear what you’re saying, the message isn’t getting through. Expectation violation is bound to result. This step becomes easier the better you know the other person.

What speaks to them? Say that.

What motivates them? Do that.

What inspires them? Be that.

 

4.)   Be consistent.

People forget. It happens. Reminding people of your expectations in a way that is kind and firm is an art. It takes practice – a lot of practice. Don’t change your expectations without communication. And don’t assume people will remember your expectation after you state it one time. 

5.)   Show grace.

No one is perfect. You won’t always be successful at defining and communicating your expectations. Have grace for yourself. Others won’t always be successful at meeting your expectations. Have grace for them. Be willing to stop, analyze, recalibrate and try again. This is a skill. Be willing to take the time to hone it and improve upon it.

Lean Forward,

Bekka