What's in your glasses?

I was awake in the middle of last night. Unable to get back to sleep as quickly as I wanted, I did what we all do – reached for my phone to look at my facebook feed. Lame – but true. I ended up reading an article on a notoriously debated topic and against my better judgment (it was 2am), I posted a reply to the article. The topic and stances are unimportant but the responses to my comment as well as the posture of the original author signaled to me a major chasm in the way we relate to, communicate with and learn from each other. There was a distinct and profound lack of a relational skill called empathy. Why does that matter?

Empathy is the skill of being able to set your own opinions, beliefs and preferences aside in order to assume the position of the person with whom you are speaking. It is an attempt at gathering information and perspective that you do not naturally possess simply because you are not seeing things from that person’s point of view unless you intentionally leave your own for a minute. Empathy’s primary goal is UNDERSTANDING – whether that understanding ultimately results in agreement or not. Empathy asks these questions:

“Why do you feel this way?”

“What experiences have you had that have brought you to these conclusions?”

“If you were to change your viewpoint on this issue, what other beliefs would have to change as a result?”

“What does this topic look like from where you stand?”

“How do you see ME from here?”

Empathy is a prerequisite for communication – and it is MISSING in so many conversations in our world today. We are preoccupied with our own perspective and viewpoint. We are unable to temporarily disconnect our opinions and beliefs from our self-worth and self-image long enough to seek understanding of another position. We refuse to remove the lenses of our own worldview in order to look through another FOR THE SAKE OF COMMUNICATION. This doesn’t mean you abandon yourself and adopt everyone else’s perspective. It does mean that you value the interaction and the person across the table from you enough to establish the “why” behind their opinion.

Leadership is impossible without empathy. No one will follow you somewhere new if you don’t acknowledge and validate the place they already stand. Developing this leadership skill will revolutionize your conversations. It will change the way you see others. It will create credibility in you that you never thought possible. It may even lead to you reviewing and refining your own perspective to be more relatable to those who’s opinions differ from yours.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Frogs

I started reading John Maxwell’s book, “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth” this week. I’ll be posting quite a bit from this thoughts I’m sure, but for this week, I will just say that I highly recommend the book. In his opening chapter, he touches on the concept of intentionality and tells his fathers’ riddle:

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left on the log?

The answer is five.

Decision is a whole lot different than action. Progress and growth have little to do with decision unless that decision is followed up with immediate action. Likewise, action without decision is likely to take you in a direction contrary to the place you’d like to end up.

How different might your life look today if you had acted on all the decisions you made a year ago? A month ago? A week ago?

How different might your life look in a year from now if you act on the decisions you make today?

What have you decided to do but have yet to act on your decision?

What actions are you taking that are apart from/contrary to intentional decision and planning – are you doing things that move you closer to or farther from the goals you’ve set?

What log are you still sitting on?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Make Dewey Proud

Like many businesses, mine is all about relationships and networks. I’ve learned over the last few months that part of my responsibility as a leader includes the capacity to be a librarian. We each have a responsibility to communicate effectively with a variety of styles and personality types in our day-to-day activities. The librarian role is more comprehensive than this, though.

As leaders, incumbent on us is the responsibility to motivate, connect with and inspire an equally wide variety of people. I have leaders in my organization who think and operate very differently from me. I consider this a tremendous asset as they will connect with people and networks that I would have a very hard time tapping into myself. Like me, I’m sure they are tempted to limit their learning, exposure and networking to people who are “like” them – we all do that because it’s comfortable and we don’t have to work as hard when we are in the company of people who “just get it”. What we really mean is: “People who think, operate and learn like I do.” This mindset takes a dangerous turn when we become satisfied with building teams and businesses that are limited to our personality or methods.

Having a distinct and defined culture is vitally important. Having repeatable systems is equally important. But if we bring this uniformity and consistency into our PRACTICES instead of letting it guide us on PRINCIPLE, we will end up with inbred, superior and small-minded organizations. A librarian knows about most any topic. From behind thick-rimmed glasses, she is able to successfully guide anyone searching for information to exactly what they are looking for – regardless of her own interest level in the topic. In like manner, our commitment to diversifying our exposure, information and communication styles will allow us to lead a wider variety of leaders, who in turn can lead an equally wide variety of people.

I want to be able to match a leader who learns differently from me with exactly the leadership training material that will allow him to explode into his potential, even if I thought the book was only ok.

I want to be able to be a valuable resource for anyone wanting information, even if I’m not connecting with the topic on a personal level.

I want to have a bigger view of my business than the one I can see through my own eyes. At the end of the day, I am not only responsible to know what works for me; I’m responsible to know what works for everyone I lead – including me.

We lead by example. Don’t set a narrow standard when it comes to what you allow to teach you, inform you and communicate with you. It’s our responsibility to be able to lead people who are like us as well as those who aren’t.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Zoom in

What are the top three priorities in your life?

What are three activities you are doing TODAY in order to champion and cultivate those priorities?

These are questions we should ask and have answers for each and every day. If we don’t, we will stagnate in the areas of our lives which should be growing and thriving. It takes work – a lot of work – and it is work well invested.

Lean forward,

Bekka

TKO

I passed out at the doctor’s office this morning.

I hate getting blood drawn. It’s just something I really struggle with. I’m not scared necessarily – I just fundamentally believe that blood is supposed to stay inside my body by design. That’s what skin is for. I know I have a hard time. I have never reacted this strongly, but I am never just “ok” with the scenario.

Some experiences are worse than others. Today was worse. She missed the vein and of course I felt all of that going on. I was essentially ok until she told me she missed it and I realized she was going to have to try it again. Blood pressure drops, cold sweat, hearing goes away, vision goes black and I have no control over any of these automatic processes that take over. I felt like a complete idiot and so incompetent that I couldn’t deal with something so routine. They had ice packs and water and juice and a wheelchair. They were mopping sweat off of my face and forearms – which normally are not a sweaty area in general. There were four nurses around me at one point. I’m sure it was the most exciting thing to happen so far on this Wednesday morning. Such drama. I would have immediately left if I could have stood up without the assistance of two medical professionals.

After my blood pressure and color returned to a normal state and we developed an alternative plan of action, I assessed the situation because I know this is not the last time I will have to face it. I have another appointment scheduled for next week and I would prefer to not star in today’s sequel. I realized I had failed in several key areas of preparation that could have positioned me better for success.

1.) Physical: I hadn’t eaten breakfast. This alone could have prevented the severity of my physical reaction.

2.) Mental: I could have practiced some relaxation techniques ahead of time. I didn’t feel anxious when I went in to the office, even though I knew the draw was going to happen. I wasn’t worked up but I wasn’t intentionally relaxed either.

3.) Emotional: I viewed the draw as unnecessary and stupid. The purpose was to confirm a pregnancy that I already know is legit – I’ve already had an ultrasound at another office. This draw was simply to check a box for this office. My underlying attitude was not one of acceptance – it was one of resistance.

The result of these oversights and attitude was a highly dramatic and unnecessary situation, which I would have preferred to avoid if at all possible. So, on the topic of preparation, let us ask ourselves…

In what areas are you experiencing unnecessary drama because you did not do the work of adequately preparing yourself ahead of time?

Where are you physically ignoring your body’s needs? It WILL take over eventually and overpower your ability to control its autopilot reactions.

Where do you need to anticipate possible stress and mitigate it ahead of time in order to avoid reactions in yourself you don’t want?

How are your emotions sabotaging you? Are there areas that you just need to accept as part of the process – even if you don’t think they need to be part of YOUR process? Attitude matters.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Jazz and Jacksons

In college, I played piano for our school’s Jazz Big Band. We went to a competition each year in Chicago, which meant that we got to ride a charter bus there and stay in a fancy hotel for a weekend each spring on the school’s dime. The first trip we took, our band director stood at the door of the bus and, as everyone loaded in, he handed each student three crisp $20 bills as they boarded. I had no idea what was happening, but I took the money when it was my turn without any questions. When I got onto the bus and sat down next to my drummer buddy, I looked at him and said, “What’s up with us all getting cash?” His reply, in that semi-high, smug college tone that we all know so well was,

“It’s per diem, man.”

Some of us spent the money on booze. Some on meals we hadn’t been able to afford in months. Some just pocketed the cash, ate pb&j they brought, and used it to help pay rent upon returning home. There were no questions asked about how the dollars were spent; each of us had complete liberty to use it however we wanted. I will decline to comment on how I spent mine.

This experience taught me something incredibly valuable, not just about money, but about time. Humanity is a socialist state when it comes to time – we all get the same amount to work with every day. It's per diem, man.

If someone were to make a pie chart of your time spent each day over the last 7 days, what would it look like? We can easily reach for the rose-colored glasses here and get overly optimistic on how we spend our time but I challenge you to really take an honest look at what that picture might show.

What percentage of your time is spent on IPA’s, or Income Producing Activities?

What percentage is spent building your family relationships and pouring into those you lead at home?

What percentage is spent building your team at work?

What percentage is spent on activities that benefit only you?

What percentage is spent resting and preparing yourself to be productive and effective with your waking hours?

Each of these is vitally important to personal, family, and organizational health BUT…if we get these out of balance, out of order, or neglect them completely, we are reflecting priorities that we may not want to admit are incongruent with the results we want in life. How you spend your time is THE LOUDEST VOICE to those in your world about what is most important to you and directly correlated to accomplishing your goals. Is the way you spend your time aligned with your goals? If not, perhaps it's time to adjust how you are burning your minutes - you never get them back.

Every day takes us somewhere. No matter what bus you get on today, you are handed the same 24 hours as every other person breathing. It's per diem, man - and it’s yours to spend however you choose. Try not to spend it all on booze.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Show Me the Profit

The only way to build something profitable over the long term is to make consistent, repeated, difficult, right choices over the long term. Sustained profitability takes time - a lot of it.

I define profitability in much broader terms than just financial. Profit can be tangible or intangible – concrete or more abstract. Profit simply means that the return you get from a particular endeavor is more valuable than the investment you made into it. This applies to relationships, families, business culture, teamwork, checkbooks and even objects we purchase. Any time you catch yourself quietly musing “That was totally worth it” (and not in an emotional apex moment) you’ve found something that was profitable.

We can tease this concept of intangible profitability out to as far an extent as possible, determining over a lifetime whether we feel our lives themselves have been profitable. No doubt, asking someone toward the end of their life which elements they view as profitable would lend drastically different answers than asking someone who believes they have 50-60 years left to go. Our perception of intangible profitability surely changes over time.

Waste is something that literally makes my stomach turn. However, we do need to seriously consider the idea of waste in every area of our lives we desire to be profitable. This means reducing our costs, finding more effective processes and learning how to use our resources in the most efficient ways possible. But on a more fundamental level, this means choosing the right endeavors to invest in from the start.

Considering these points, here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself:

How do I personally define “profit”? How does this definition change when I consider tangible vs. intangible profit?

Which endeavors do I need to just quit because they are wasteful? Is it a job? A relationship? An investment?

If I made a list of the activities that I’m investing my resources into on a daily basis, which ones would I earmark as profitable and which ones would fall into the “Waste” column?

If I want to be in a position of financial, emotional, intellectual and spiritual profitability, what changes do I need to make to my resource investments in order to reduce wasteful activities and increase profitable ones?

In which areas of my life do I need a reminder that profitability does take time, consistency and patience? Where am I rushing?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Getting Past the Rough

I’m reading Dave Ramsey’s book “The EntreLeader”. Let me first say that I think it is full of exceptional advice and proven content that is helpful on both a personal and professional level. Thanks, Dave.

Let me also say that Dave is…kind of a jerk. His communication style is very direct, abrupt and final. He advertises his way or the highway and basically makes you feel like an idiot if you don’t agree with and implement his methods. My communications training and background bristles nearly every page I turn and I definitely think at most points that Dave has not read (and SHOULD) “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

But then there is that ULTRA-ANNOYING point that, regardless of how he’s coming across, HAS to be acknowledged and accepted:

He’s right.

He’s proven these practices and has the bank account to prove it. He has the success to prove it. And he has the longevity to prove it.

So, here are the questions:

Do you want to be successful badly enough to wade thru the communication differences to get to the actual message – particularly the message from those who are wildly successful in the same way you want to be?

How quickly do you toss the baby out with the bathwater of what you don’t prefer about a person you should be learning from?

How many babies have you tossed because you let “your background” stiff-arm the gold in others?

What delivery details do you need to get over in order to really get the points and the processes that will launch your team into orbit-level success?

You see what you look for…let’s all start looking for the gold and stop being so concerned about our approval level of the package it comes in.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Toe the Line

I hate rules. I generally feel that they exist solely for the purpose of my knowing exactly how far I can wander from the “required ideal” before actually getting into trouble. I understand their purpose. I understand that without them, chaos and eventual collapse would ensue. In an organization, rules exist for the same reason they exist in government and in a family – to control and predict. Rules are designed to control behaviors, with the inevitable GOAL of controlling outcomes. For example, if I require employees to arrive and be at their desks by 8am, it’s not because I get a charge out of looking out at 8:01am to see desks full of bodies working away for the company – at least it shouldn’t be. It is because I hope that if everyone begins promptly on time, I will get the most productivity and therefore the highest yield on the salaries I am paying those employees. Arriving on time (behavior) should ideally result in a higher profit margin (outcome). Managers get REALLY EXCITED at the prospect of being able to impact and control outcomes. If they think they have a system which will allow them to control and predict their outcomes, productivity and numbers…it’s VERY difficult to resist the temptation to establish a suffocating rule culture that is completely counterproductive to their end goal: growth and progress.

Don’t get me wrong – we need rules. Boundaries are a healthy thing in every area of life. I don’t like them but I don’t think we can afford to jettison them completely. The problem occurs when lose our ability to think and make decisions apart from a consultation of the rules. Too many rules constrict creativity, immobilize innovation and prevent progress BY DEFINITION. If you always do things, solve problems, complete processes according to the same rules; you will never break out of that box you have so carefully (and with the best of intentions) crafted for those you lead.

Here’s my alternative proposition: state the goal you’re trying to accomplish and allow those on your team to come up with their own strategy of how they will contribute and work toward that goal. Here’s where all the managers freak out…there’s no control in this approach other than holding people accountable to the methods THEY have chosen to get over the finish line. Of course, these methods must be reasonable and realistic – but they don’t always have to be the same. Here’s the other result of this approach: ownership. When someone makes their own plan on how to contribute, they will inevitably work with more intensity, more passion and more responsibility than if they are just following someone else’s plan. And if their own plan doesn’t work, it’s their responsibility to revamp and try again.

Break a few of your own rules – the unnecessary ones. Let your people loose. Untie their hands and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised with the result.

Lean Forward,

Bekka

Pause

I have a tendency to focus more on what I have yet to do than on what I have already accomplished. I was reminded today that taking quick pause to reflect on accomplishments – both large and small – is not only a good use of my time and energy, but also an effective motivator for the things yet unfinished on my to-do lists.

It’s Wednesday.

Take two minutes to reflect on what you’ve accomplished so far this week. Don’t put them next to the unfinished things for comparison. Just appreciate them. Appreciate yourself and be reminded that you are doing a great job at life. And it’s only Wednesday.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Tick Tock

“You don’t have time for that.”

“Time is money.”

“Stop wasting time!”

“The clock is ticking.”

“Now is the time.”

Our society is time-obsessed. We never seem to have enough for the things we want/need to do. We all have the same amount of time but most of us feel like we would appreciate another 4 hours in the day…or 8. This creates a very negative vibe around anything that doesn’t happen at our perceived speed of need.

Why do we villainize things that are “slow”? Why does our patience wear thin in the process?

We are so conditioned to having things at our disposal that anything less initiates a stress response in us.

Things that take time are not the enemy. In fact, they are generally a lot more valuable than those that happen quickly. In my basement, I have two end tables and a coffee table that I got from Ikea. I paid less than $100 for all three pieces. They are light as a feather and have little to no resale value. This is because they are made from sawdust that is glued together and stamped into shape by a machine alongside 50,000 other pieces exactly alike. Contrast this furniture set with what sits in my parents’ living room: beautiful handmade Amish pieces that were made by a real person, from real wood. My parents ordered these pieces from the shop and waited until the craftsman completed them. They are more valuable today than the day they purchased them and will continue to appreciate as long as my parents own them.

This is a pretty stark example but you could find similar points in art, agriculture, medicine, relationships and food. Homemade food just tastes better. It takes a long time to prepare and the person eating it can tell the difference. This is why people who enjoy preparing great food get irritated when others wolf it down without savor and appreciation. It took a lot of time and work to prepare – appreciation and time in consumption reflects acknowledgement of that investment.

We need to stop looking at time as a curse – some sort of jail that always screams our inadequacies back at us. When we start feeling crunched for time, some worthy questions may be:

Am I spending my time on things or investing my time into things? Will I see a return on this investment or are these minutes truly gone forever?

If I’m feeling short on time, do I need to re-evaluate my schedule and learn to gracefully say “no” to those things that are causing more stress than joy?

What am I creating with my time? Is it truly valuable?

And the questions requiring the most honesty in answering…Am I impatient because I believe the world revolves around me? Do I have a posture of grace toward those who don’t (and aren’t obligated to) operate on my schedule? Am I missing important things in my life because I am rushing thru it?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Show Up

An executive in my company has a catchphrase.

“Leaders show up.”

That’s it. It’s her motto for life and business – and she’s very successful at both.

Leaders show up. The more I think about, the deeper I dive into how broad the applications are for these three little words. Here are some questions I’m asking myself.

If you didn’t show up, can you really consider yourself a leader?

If you show up physically but are mentally and emotionally on a different planet, what does that say about how well you’re leading – yourself and your team?

Being a leader means knowing where you’re needed and knowing where you’re not…where am I showing up?

Who always shows up? Who is displaying leadership qualities that I may be overlooking?

Am I one who is leaning in to my commitments and my responsibilities or am I one who is looking for reasons to “stay home”?

How visible is my leadership? Do those following me SEE me present and engaged? What kind of example am I setting? 

Do I show up as a leader against the background of life? Am I recognizable?

Lean forward,

Bekka

The Hutch

I have a hutch in my kitchen. In it is all the glassware I use for special occasions, my wok and vases for the occasional flower arrangement that needs a home. The “shelf” of the hutch is supposed to be a transient space. Keys land there before being put away or grabbed on the way out the door. I have a fruit bowl that generally collects other random items on their way to their permanent home. And then I have the corner of the hutch where I put things that need to be addressed, just not right now. Bills that aren’t due for two weeks, credit cards that need to be activated, invitations that need to be R.S.V.P.’d to, and “things that need to be filed but I don’t want to file them right now”. These include paid bills, letters from our sponsored children, insurance statements, instruction manuals, or birthday cards I want to save. Things that need to be filed but I don’t have time or desire to file them now. I hate filling. HATE. FILING. It’s not a difficult job. It doesn’t even take very long. But I hate it.

So, when I go to get the mail every day, I sort it and put in the Pile what needs to be dealt with but I’m too busy to at that moment – even if the busy-ness is only a mental state of unwillingness or being unorganized. Every few months, the Pile becomes obnoxious. I can’t use the hutch for what it’s meant for, the kitchen processes are threatened, the fruit bowl begins to be swallowed, and I generally have a slight anxiety attack when I even look in the general direction of the hutch. It’s at that point I snap, usually stop something doing actually important, and take few minutes it takes to sort the “done” from the “undone”, pick up the “done” and walk it downstairs to the filing cabinet in my office, and get to work on taking care of the “undone” before the lights get shut off because the bill is in there…somewhere.

There is no reason – not one – that my kitchen needs to be taken over with this pile. And yet it happens every month or so without fail. The hutch is my catch-all for things that are important but not urgent. This is an important distinction to make.

There are things that are urgent but not important – these are the ones that clutter our day, make us late and cause general stress that’s unnecessary but we feel compelled to give our attention to the urgent even though it may not truly be consequential. Things we feel others expect us to do, projecting a certain image, many meetings, and watching the Oscar's live instead of DVR-ing it for a later, more convenient time all land here.

There are the urgent, important things. A fire would land in this category, an injured child, a woman in labor, a shipment being delayed because of insufficient access permissions, a deadline, or the water bill. They deserve and demand our attention immediately and are very consequential. It’s easy to find motivation to do these things because they are often associated with a sense of panic or adrenaline.

Some things are neither urgent nor important. These are usually things we enjoy doing but aren’t necessary for the daily workings of our lives. These are the things we should enjoy during free time – if we are lucky enough to have such a thing. They are important on a personal fulfillment level, but not on a practical or professional output level.

Lastly, there are the things that land on the hutch – the important but not urgent. They are important but do not require our immediate attention. There are the things we need to be intentional about because they are important even though they don’t have the “panic factor” driving us to check them off of our To Do List. Here’s the deal – these things don’t stay “not urgent”. Eventually, they will move from “Important but not Urgent”, to “Urgent and Important”. Along with the things that land in my Pile, here are a few things that call this category home:

Your child’s daily music practice.

Changing your furnace filter.

Cleaning your rain gutters.

Your relationship with your spouse.

Renewing your car insurance.

Changing the batteries in your smoke detector.

Expense reports.

R.S.V.P. to your cousin’s wedding.

Ordering printer ink.

Your health.

Eventually, you will have to stop doing something important because your Pile is taking over your life. The things you’ve neglected – things that don’t take a lot of time if you just do them – will become something you cannot ignore. Something you cannot shelf anymore. Eventually, their level of urgency will dramatically increase and will often cause a major inconvenience at best, a complete stall at worst. Eventually, you will have to rely on the “panic factor” to get them done. Everything around you will have to stop – and that rarely ends well.

What’s on your hutch?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Talking to myself

I recently heard an incredibly intelligent woman conduct a leadership exercise in a class I was part of. She had everyone put two columns on a sheet of paper then list their top three leadership strengths in one column and their top three weaknesses/areas for improvement in the other. The next step was to rate each of the weaknesses on a scale of 1-10 in order of intensity. She was finished talking about strengths at that point. J So the weaknesses were rated: 1 being “I can barely perform this skill to a noticeable degree” and 10 being “Any improvement on this would move it to the Strengths column”. So we all rated our weaknesses. Mine were all between 4-6 on the scale, as were most of the people’s at my table. Then the woman asked a very interesting question.

“Why so high?”

Everyone was confused at first, many raising hands to express their concern over what they were missing. She answered one of the people.

Instructor: “What was your rating?”

Person: “4”

Instructor: “Why not 1?”

Person: “Because I am able to do this – definitely not as well as I would like to but I CAN do it. I’m wouldn’t give myself a 1 because I could absolutely be a LOT worse at it but…….OK…..I get it.”

The point of this exercise was simple – when we change the way we TALK about the things we want to improve, our confidence builds and we get a more accurate picture of what our capabilities ACTUALLY are, not just the way we feel about performing a certain task or skill. When we change the question, we begin to give reasons why we CAN succeed instead of why we DON’T succeed…even if it is as seemingly insignificant as a skill we don’t think we are good at.

How are you talking about yourself? Your skills? Your abilities?

Are you looking for the reasons you are capable, strong, competent? Or are you looking to provide justification for inability, unwillingness or lack of effort?

If you’re on the 3^rd rung of a 10-step ladder, are you more discouraged because you’re on step #3 than you are empowered because you are actually ON THE LADDER?

Does your goal seem far away? Does that weigh you down? Maybe you need to assess the distance between you and the starting line and draw confidence from the fact that you’re not standing at the start anymore.

Why so high?

Change the questions you’re asking. It will change the way you talk to yourself. And that changes everything.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Who's Hungry Matters

This week, I’m going to do something I will likely never do again. I’m going to reference a lengthy quote from the book “Leaders Eat Last” by one of my favorite leadership gurus, Simon Sinek. He is a groundbreaking thinker in leadership who studies our biological tendencies as related to leadership theory and practice. His work is fascinating and I know you will be encouraged by his words. This excerpt is taken from a chapter discussing the concept of alpha leaders in tribes, the perks afforded to those alpha individuals, and the dynamics around how certain individuals naturally rise as alphas to the forefront in a group. Toward the end of the chapter, he applies his discussion to modern leadership in politics and in organizational leadership. Here is where we pick up his thought:

“The rank of office is not what makes someone a leader. Leadership is the choice to serve others with or without any formal rank. There are people with authority who are not leaders and there are people at the bottom rungs of an organization who most certainly are leaders. It’s ok for leaders to enjoy all the perks afforded to them. However, they must be willing to give up those perks when necessary.

Leaders are the ones willing to look out for those to the left and to the right of them. They are often willing to sacrifice their own comfort for ours, even when they disagree with us. Trust is not simply a matter of shared opinions. Leaders are the ones who are willing to give up something of their own for us. Their time, their energy, their money, maybe even the food off their plate. When it matters, leaders CHOOSE to eat last. By the objective standards of leadership, those who aim to raise their own status simply so they can enjoy the perks themselves without fulfilling their responsibilities as leaders are, plain and simple, weak leaders. Though they may achieve alpha status and rise in the ranks, though they may possess talents and strengths that could earmark them for alpha status, they only become leaders when they accept the responsibility to protect those in their care. If they choose to sacrifice those in their tribe for personal gain, however, they will often struggle to hold on to the position once they’ve got it. Again, the group is not stupid. The people always have the power.

The leaders of organizations who rise through the ranks not because they want it, but because the tribe keeps offering higher status out of their gratitude for their willingness to sacrifice, are the true leaders worthy of our trust and loyalty. What makes a good leader is that they eschew the spotlight in favor of spending time and energy to do what they need to do to support and protect their people. And when we feel that circle of safety around us, we offer our blood, sweat and tears and do everything we can to see our leader’s vision come to life. The only thing our leaders ever need to do is remember whom they serve and it will be our honor and pleasure to serve them back.”

Lest you think I’m pawning my post off on Simon this week, here are the questions I’ve been wresting with since reading this confronting chapter:

Are you frustrated at the lack of “followership” in your organization? Perhaps you should examine your willingness to lay down your alpha perks – and not just your willingness, but how often you ACTUALLY DO decline those things in favor of support and protection of those you are leading.

When are you eating? Are you rushing forward to the front of the line when it comes to the proverbial and literal dinnertime? Do those in your care really believe you would go without if eating meant they wouldn't go hungry? How often are you at the back of the line, letting those you lead go ahead? If you’re constantly looking out for yourself instead of those you lead in these visible, tangible, practical moments…don’t be surprised if they are less inclined to get behind you when your vision is at stake.

Do you, as a leader, TRULY believe it is your number one priority to serve those you lead? Do you act like it? Do you exemplify it in everyday situations like eating and conversation? Have you considered what it means to serve another person in a conversation?

The ramifications of these concepts run deep and wide in our organizations and vividly highlight how much of an impact we can have in the dynamics of our cultures. “Servant leadership” is such an overused, cliché term – mostly because we use it without a tangible connection to action and visible example. But it’s not a modern concept – it’s an ancient instinct. It’s how humanity has behaved and interacted for centuries. It’s how the group identifies and recognizes the alphas. You don’t lead unless the tribe is convinced you will serve. 

Serving our people doesn’t happen in big ways. It happens in little ways. It happens in the lunch line. It happens in our conversations. It happens when we take the time to LOOK for ways to be selfless in frequent, everyday situations.

A culture like this breeds amazing followers. Followers who KNOW that their safety and well being are their leader’s priority…priority enough to feel served and supported and protected, are the ones who respond without hesitation to a leader’s request when it’s game time. We are biologically wired to return that favor hand over fist.

Lean forward,

Bekka

A Monkey Tale

Some cultural anthropologists did an experiment with ten monkeys. They were all in a big observation room a with pole in the middle and a stash of ten bananas at the top. When a monkey would climb the pole after the bananas, they would get blasted with a stream of water strong enough to knock them down. The monkeys quickly learned that the bananas weren’t worth the cold shower and stopped climbing the pole. One at a time, the scientists replaced the monkeys in the room. The new monkey would be thrilled to see the bananas and immediately climb the pole. To protect the new monkey (and themselves) from the cold blast, the other nine would pull the newcomer down over and over – preventing him from snagging the banana prize. That new monkey would soon learn that for whatever reason, the bananas were off limits…even though he never got wet. The monkeys repeated this behavior nearly exactly for each of the subsequent nine new animals until none of the ten monkeys were part of the original band of wet pets. None of them had ever felt the water, but they were all afraid of getting wet.

So the bananas rotted at the top of the pole and the monkeys settled for a daily, boring ration of food.

This is the power of culture.

What kind of culture are you cultivating?

What fears are you transferring to your fresh team members that are preventing them from the prize they have their sights on?

Are you limited by old threats that may or may not be present currently?

What parts of your organization are stagnant and boring because you are unwilling to take risks?

Are you, though well-intentioned, holding others back because you are afraid of something another told you MAY happen?

Every conversation defines culture.

Every interaction.

Every consequence.

Every lunch date.

Every ignored phone call.

Every review.

Every smile.

Every word of encouragement.

Every monkey.

Be intentional about the culture you are defining. 

Lean Forward, 

Bekka 

You

Leadership involves pressure. It involves a higher level of stress simply because of the responsibility involved. This fact is part of the package and no leader will argue that. So…

How do you de-stress?

We know a laundry list of nasty physical, emotional and mental effects stress brings to the human body. How are you mitigating that? You know you’re a leader. You know leaders have a high level of stress. You know stress is killing us slowly if we don’t have good and consistent strategies to alleviate it. So what are you doing about that? Part of being a leader is taking care of yourself so you can lead others. It’s also the part we most frequently overlook. It’s not a badge of honor to repeatedly ignore your own needs in favor of “taking care of others”. We obviously put others first as a general rule but this has to happen in balance or we will be of no use to anyone.

I release that stress valve through yoga, walking, scheduled times of connection with good and positive relationships, setting clear boundaries around my sleep, and making sure that my work stays in the work hours I set for myself. We must get good at identifying what we need and then finding ways to make that happen. Whether it means finding a babysitter, asking for several hours alone from your spouse or significant other, or just simply being intentional about eating things that will fuel us instead of empty us.

This may seem like a simplistic post but I think an honest review of our input/output ratio will leave most of us looking at a deficit in our mental, emotional and physical resources. It takes a lot of courage to look at yourself and be real about what you can and can’t do. It takes even more courage to draw boundaries around your time and energy so you can be the most effective as possible over the long term. I want to be around, be encouraging, and be a resource for others for a very long time. In order to do that, I must prioritize taking care of myself by reducing my stress level overall in addition to effectively managing the inevitable stress life brings.

Lean Forward,

Bekka

Five Things

I had the privilege of hearing John Maxwell present at my company’s yearly convention last month. I’ve read John’s books and seen several simulcasts but this was the first time I saw him in person. I was impressed, to say the least. I took 5 pages of notes during his hour presentation. He had no PowerPoint, no handout, no outline, no flashy videos or #’s. He just sat at a table on the stage, got up and down a few times, but mostly just talked to the 9,000 member audience like he was in each of our living rooms…proof that you don’t need to be flashy and technologically impressive to be relevant and cutting edge. But that’s another blog ;)

Of all the things he said, one concept struck me in a deeper way. He knows he is supposed to write books. Since he was 21 years old, he’s done the same Five Things every day that support this goal. He explained them very simply:

“I read. I write. I think. I file. I ask questions.”

Every day.

Every holiday.

Every weekend.

Every birthday.

Every day.

He said sometimes he writes twenty words and sometimes he writes twenty pages but every day, he writes - the same for the other four.

The point is to be consistent with daily behaviors that champion your own personal goals. In this blog, I’ve discussed the importance of small, daily steps required to attain big goals. This is exactly what John was touching on - 5 simple things he does every day that support his goals. He said this, “The secret to success is doing today right. You exaggerate yesterday, you over-emphasize tomorrow, but you under-estimate today.” He said he has material for more books than he could ever write because he has been collecting it every day for the last 16,000 days straight. That blows my mind.

This is called discipline – that’s why so few people do it.

I’ve been thinking for the last several weeks about what my Five Things are. What 5 little things can I do each day to help me become what I know I’m called to be? I have big goals – what are the daily disciplines I need to prioritize in order to make them a reality?

What are yours?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Cats, Beware!

I’ve always been disturbed by the saying,

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”

I don’t even really like cats – but still.

Though the visual is a bit messier than I prefer, the concept is one that every leader must be both aware of and comfortable with in order to lead a group with varying personalities and methodologies. I recognize that in leadership, we are responsible for skinning many cats on a given day – even though we may not be the ones doing all the messy work. Keeping our hands dirty on the ground level of our organizations is key to staying in touch with how things are really functioning but, if we are doing things correctly, we will have many more cats than we have time to take care of. This means that inevitably, cats will be skinned in ways that you didn’t see coming, wouldn’t do yourself, or are generally just foreign to the way you think. Take a deep breath. And let’s do a little, high level history lesson together…

Almost a century ago, Henry Ford transformed the auto industry by introducing the concept of an assembly line. He made a lot of cars quite cost effectively and started a trend of process standardization that would revolutionize how business operations would run for the next 100 years. Process standardization (every cat getting skinned the exact same way) raises quality of production, increases output quantity and allows for a large measure of what every manager desperately craves – CONTROL OF THE DEVELOPMENT AND PRODUCTION PROCESS.

Every accountant, engineer and manager loves Henry Ford because he gave us the ability to control basically everything.

Here’s the problem…process standardization is so 1900’s.

Electricity, automation, robotics, and computers make process standardization a given. We don’t even need people for that anymore. The leaders of this century must get over our craving for control. Here’s why…our greatest resource is not in getting every process to look the same. It’s in leveraging HUMAN INTELLIGENCE CAPITAL to think differently. We can either spend our energies trying to get everyone to do things the same way or we can spend our energies releasing people to get to the desired result in the way they excel. Less control; exponentially higher potential.

The last ten years of leadership research screams at us, “Let people work from their strengths and your business will explode!” And here we are, still clinging to Henry and his standardization because we love the way it makes us feel. We have robots to pacify our need for control. Let’s take a few risks and invest in our people power, our human intelligence capital that can do what the robots can’t – come up with new ways to skin cats. 

Every person thinks differently. This is such a huge opportunity for those willing to loosen their grip on the metrics just a bit and watch their teams really come alive with innovation and discovery. Don’t worry accountants, engineers and managers…there are plenty of people whose strengths are in your “safe and quantifiable zone”. It won’t devolve into complete chaos.

As leaders, let’s follow Henry’s example and be willing to do things differently than ever before. Who knows, we might end up with 100 years of history to tell our success story, too.

Lean Forward,

Bekka

Books, Covers and Tomatoes

Have you ever been surprised by someone in your organization? Someone who communicates to you excitement and vigor about working hard and achieving success but then quickly fades out? Many who seem to be full of potential and “sure fire” winners just...aren’t. If we as leaders aren’t careful, we can pile our eggs in these unproven baskets, create expectations around rookie excitement, and end up both disappointed in those people for not walking the walk and in ourselves for jumping on a train that hasn’t yet left the station.

On the other hand, have you ever been surprised by someone in your organization? Someone who communicates a conservative, cautious or even unwilling approach to the business but ends up shining as a star on your team? Many who appear easily counted out or unreliable can take us off guard and really flourish into high-powered contributors to our business’ bottom line. If we as leaders aren’t careful, we can overlook these hidden gems, discount their interest in contributing to the team, and end up missing an opportunity to support and grow those late bloomers.

I love to garden. I am marginal at it but improving. I have a good friend who starts heirloom tomatoes in her house in February and delivers some them to me by the beginning of April. I always ask her for a few more than I intend to plant because…I’m marginal at it. When I put them into the ground last month, I had high hopes for three of them, one was a Hail Mary, and the last one was all but dead but I had already dug the hole. As of yesterday, those last two are the biggest ones in the garden. I put them all in the same soil – and I knew the soil was good.

As leaders, it’s our job to focus on being awesome soil. Some of our leaders start big and stay big. Some start with big intentions and falter off. And some are all but dead when we get them and they end up surprising us by running head to head with the big ones. Our job is to focus on being support and giving them all the tools they need to grow. Let’s not get caught up in potential based on talk or appearance. Let’s get caught up in being awesome soil. Here are a few questions for the week…

What do your leaders need currently that you aren’t providing?

How can you tailor your approach to each of your leaders in order to support them best?

Are you allowing yourself to be hijacked by unmet expectations on unproven “baskets”?

With whom are you hesitating because they seem like a Hail Mary?

How can you redirect your energies and attention to improving yourself as nourishing soil?

Lean Forward,

Bekka