What's in your glasses?

I was awake in the middle of last night. Unable to get back to sleep as quickly as I wanted, I did what we all do – reached for my phone to look at my facebook feed. Lame – but true. I ended up reading an article on a notoriously debated topic and against my better judgment (it was 2am), I posted a reply to the article. The topic and stances are unimportant but the responses to my comment as well as the posture of the original author signaled to me a major chasm in the way we relate to, communicate with and learn from each other. There was a distinct and profound lack of a relational skill called empathy. Why does that matter?

Empathy is the skill of being able to set your own opinions, beliefs and preferences aside in order to assume the position of the person with whom you are speaking. It is an attempt at gathering information and perspective that you do not naturally possess simply because you are not seeing things from that person’s point of view unless you intentionally leave your own for a minute. Empathy’s primary goal is UNDERSTANDING – whether that understanding ultimately results in agreement or not. Empathy asks these questions:

“Why do you feel this way?”

“What experiences have you had that have brought you to these conclusions?”

“If you were to change your viewpoint on this issue, what other beliefs would have to change as a result?”

“What does this topic look like from where you stand?”

“How do you see ME from here?”

Empathy is a prerequisite for communication – and it is MISSING in so many conversations in our world today. We are preoccupied with our own perspective and viewpoint. We are unable to temporarily disconnect our opinions and beliefs from our self-worth and self-image long enough to seek understanding of another position. We refuse to remove the lenses of our own worldview in order to look through another FOR THE SAKE OF COMMUNICATION. This doesn’t mean you abandon yourself and adopt everyone else’s perspective. It does mean that you value the interaction and the person across the table from you enough to establish the “why” behind their opinion.

Leadership is impossible without empathy. No one will follow you somewhere new if you don’t acknowledge and validate the place they already stand. Developing this leadership skill will revolutionize your conversations. It will change the way you see others. It will create credibility in you that you never thought possible. It may even lead to you reviewing and refining your own perspective to be more relatable to those who’s opinions differ from yours.

Lean forward,

Bekka