What gets you going?

A few weeks ago, my husband was playing with my 2-year-old daughter and she grabbed his new glasses off of his face. She knows better, but she is also 2 ;) He reacted fairly strongly and louder than necessary. She was scared and confused. He walked away and I said something that, at the time only made sense. After thinking more about the comment, I’ve connected a few things I’d like to share here. I said, “If she’s scared, you will lose the impact of the correction.” Now, there are situations in parenting (and leading in general) where being scared is secondary to issues of safety. If a child is going to touch a hot stove, them being scared is a fair price to avoid them being physically injured – but this was not that type of a situation. My husband went back right away to apologize for being hasty and helped our little girl understand why her behavior was destructive. All was well. The glasses and the hearts were unharmed :)

The GOAL was to motivate the correct behavior in subsequent decision-making situations. How we go about achieving this goal is tremendously important. So let’s talk for a few minutes about motivation.

Human beings are motivated by many things. I’ll group them into two broad categories: positive and negative. Negative sources include avoiding pain, fear, shame, guilt, revenge…all of these are powerful and effective at motivating behavior – but are they the right motivators? Are they the best motivators? Negative motivators are only temporary. Here’s the other thing about negative motivators: they AUTOMATICALLY drive the physical body into a state of fight or flight where all of your non-survival physiological systems are suppressed to “barely functional mode”. Digestion, sensory perception, advanced cognition, problem solving skills, temperature regulation and reproduction systems in the body are reduced to the bare minimum in order to direct as many of the body’s resources to the muscles. In a very literal sense, when you are using these emotions as motivators for your own behavior, you are half-alive. When you use these things as motivators for OTHERS’ behavior, you are effectively robbing from them the opportunity to be fully functional on a physical and emotional level. As leaders…THIS IS PROFOUND.

Positive motivators, though MUCH MORE HEALTHY, are still temporary. When we are motivated by positive goals, we may enjoy a charge long enough to carry us to the finish line. After that goal is accomplished though, we have to conjure up new motivation from a different source. We may be motivated by positive feelings toward another person – but feelings are fleeting and fickle. We may be motivated by a desire to improve our station in life, but anyone who has improved their station in life knows that the ensuing battle against “bigger and better” lingers.

So where should we look for motivation? What is the best, most effective way to push ourselves toward the goals and dreams we all have and wish to accomplish? I propose that the best motivator is the discovery of our own power to make a choice. We all have the power to choose. Every day. Every minute. Every situation. Our response, our words, our attitudes, our thoughts, our behaviors – we all have the ability to choose how we will “be”. This reality carries with it a tremendous amount of power. Even the most oppressed have the ability to choose the thoughts they foster in their own mind. Even the poorest miser has the ability to choose her attitude in the face of her plight.

Accomplishing goals is difficult. It takes hard work. We can find motivation choose to do the hard things every day that move us toward our goals simply from the fact that those goals are ours – we chose them. We value the outcomes. We choose to make changes that better ourselves, our families, our organizations on a grand scale through goals and dreams. We choose to accomplish those dreams and visions on a daily scale though habits, healthy choices and discipline. Little, daily choices support big, life choices you’ve already made. Effective, sustained motivation comes from our ability to choose. Learning the extent of our own power is the most motivating discovery we will ever make.

This topic is one I’ve been chewing on for several weeks and plan to continue on. I encourage you to chew on it as well. Here are some questions:

Which areas of my life am I settling for negative motivation in?

Do I rely on fear, shame or guilt to motivate me? Have I seen that be effective in the long term?

Where am I half-alive?

Do I USE fear, shame or guilt to motivate others?

How often do I have to “revive” my positive motivations because they haven’t lasted or because I’ve already accomplished the goal to which they were attached?

Am I keenly aware of and utilizing my power to choose?

How many of my thoughts, attitudes, responses, words and behaviors do I INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE and OWN as mine? How many do I just allow without thought or awareness of their potential to motivate or sabotage me?

Where am I not harnessing my power to choose how I will “be”?

Lean forward,

Bekka