Congruence

I struggle with something I call “Neutral Default Angry Face Syndrome”. Others have their own names for it but the basic rundown is this:

When I’m not thinking about what my face is “saying”, it tells everyone that I’m angry and unapproachable.

I am rarely angry and I would like to think I never intend to deter others from approaching me but it never fails, when I’m not thinking about what my face is saying, it says “Stay away because I hate life”.

How others feel when they look at your face is important in general, but it’s REALLY important when you’re a leader. I’m not talking about perfect hair and makeup if you’re a lady; I’m not talking about the perfect shave and the right spike-angle in your hair if you’re a gentleman. I’m talking about your countenance, your eyes, your smile. I’m talking about the things, the looks, the postures that tell people you are open or that you are closed. This is hard for me because my default facial expression communicates the opposite of my demeanor 95% of the time. It takes my INTENTION. In my musings on leadership, I come back to this word over and over and over again. Intention.

This means being aware of your surroundings. It means being aware of the messages you are sending. It means listening, tuning in, being present. It means letting your exterior be an accurate representation of your interior. There is nothing like the frustration that comes from miscommunication. For me, that frustration is at another level when miscommunication happens simply because I wasn’t intentional about the messages I sent with my face. When people perceive a closed posture, they reciprocate in that closed attitude, they shield their real thoughts, and they protect themselves and hesitate to be vulnerable because they believe you are doing the same. This does not foster an environment of teamwork or authenticity – both of which are vital to our collective success.

What is your face saying? What are your eyes saying? Are you being intentional about the messages you send? Are those messages congruent with your internal attitude? Take a few minutes to think about these questions. Take a minute to tune in and close the gap between your face and your thoughts if needed. It makes a big difference. 

Lean forward, 

Bekka