Burn, baby.

I got a new fire pit yesterday. Bonfires are a favorite of mine. We’ve had amazing weather the past week or so and I was thrilled to be able to sit out around a fire after life wound down last night. Unfortunately, the temp was a little below “comfortable relaxation” level and the time around the fire was short as a result. I didn’t want to waste my logs but I didn’t want to soak them either. I separated the logs from each other and spread them out around the outside of the pit. Ten minutes later after the company had left and the lights were turned out in the house, the fire was dead. Not a spark, not an ember, not even a glow.

Nothing will kill a fire faster than separating the logs.

Nothing will steal your spark faster than isolation.

Nothing will stall momentum in your life faster than removing yourself from like-minded, like-passioned people.

Nothing will build you, encourage you and keep you warm more effectively than huddling in to those people around you who are moving in the direction you want to go.

Are you feeling like you’re slowing down in areas you want to burn brightly? Snug up. Push in. Find the ones who are burning like you want to be and get in there close.

Are you feeling like you’re on fire in places that need to die? Remove yourself and walk away.

It takes a lot of water to drown a fire when the logs are close. Those hidden embers keep burning in spite. It takes a lot of opposition to drown momentum when a few people are committed to pushing in and pushing thru together.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Tell Me What You Want

In my sophomore year of high school, I learned in geometry class that the shortest distance between two points is a line. I agreed with Mr. Johnson until very recently.

Today, though a line is a fabulous technical definition, I believe that the shortest distance between two points is desire. Think about it: When you want something (or someone), there is no obstacle you won’t mentally minimize in order to get to that person, location or goal.

Snowstorm? No problem.

Unfavorable market conditions? Your product offering will easily overcome that hiccup.

Road construction? Just another opportunity to enjoy the scenery.

The inverse is also true. When you DON’T want to do something, a breath of wind in the wrong direction will suffice to convince you to stop. Molehills quickly become mountains in our eyes and we look for every excuse in the book to avoid the journey from where we comfortably are to where we feel no desire to be. When the bed is warm, the bathroom is far. The kitchen is far. The world is far. We will ignore important physical needs, hunger and all other responsibility because nothing seems more important than where we are right now.

Desire actually distorts reality. It embellishes our own view of ourselves, our ability and our influence. It also diminishes our view of what’s important. Things that don’t fit our definition of “desirable” or are in competition with our comfort get marginalized, discounted and forgotten. Desire doesn’t change the facts; but it does change YOU. It changes your drive, your ambition and your endurance. When you want something, you will work harder, faster and longer to get to it. You will ignore environmental warning signs, physical fatigue and the emotional cost of your desired outcome. Likewise, when you don’t truly desire something, you will ignore environmental warning signs, physical ramifications and the emotional cost of your current, comfortable place.

Relationships, family, business, recreation, finance…there is not a realm of our lives where this principle doesn’t apply.

Desire is an incredible tool. It is what allows very ordinary people to rise above seemingly impossible obstacles to accomplish great things. It is what fuels the accomplishments of great minds and great hearts. It is also what most often sabotages our potential, our effectiveness and our relationships. The difference lies not only in the object of our desire, but also in the outcome. Desires that terminate on self aren’t necessarily bad – but they will always cost you something. Make sure you know what you’re trading off. The ability to identify desire as a tool and the discipline to use it to our advantage is one of the greatest feats we can achieve. Here are my questions:

Will the desire that is driving you ultimately produce results that are beyond you and your world?

Are you able to identify when your desire is keeping you from action that you really NEED to take – even if you don’t WANT to?

Where are you staying in bed when the world is where you really ought to be?

In which areas do you need to reframe your desire in order to overcome obstacles in your journey?

How can you sharpen the tool of desire in your family, business and personal relationships in order to create something exceptional?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Knock, Knock

What does “opportunity” look like to you? I’d like to challenge you today to concretely define what these instances look and feel like to you today. Once you have that definition - critique it. Analyze it. Our definitions will be generated from our unique perspective. Perspective is, by definition, incomplete and positional. There are MANY opportunities that present themselves to us every day that we miss simply because we don’t recognize them. They don’t fit our definition so we overlook, discount or dismiss them altogether because we don’t see them for what they really are. First figure out what opportunity looks like to you – then figure out how to expand that definition.

How can you expand your definition of opportunity this week?

What are two or three steps you can take to better recognize those moments when opportunity knocks?

Where do you need to adjust or develop in your perspective for the purpose of seizing more opportunities in your business, your family, your personal development?

Lean forward,

Bekka

What gets you going?

A few weeks ago, my husband was playing with my 2-year-old daughter and she grabbed his new glasses off of his face. She knows better, but she is also 2 ;) He reacted fairly strongly and louder than necessary. She was scared and confused. He walked away and I said something that, at the time only made sense. After thinking more about the comment, I’ve connected a few things I’d like to share here. I said, “If she’s scared, you will lose the impact of the correction.” Now, there are situations in parenting (and leading in general) where being scared is secondary to issues of safety. If a child is going to touch a hot stove, them being scared is a fair price to avoid them being physically injured – but this was not that type of a situation. My husband went back right away to apologize for being hasty and helped our little girl understand why her behavior was destructive. All was well. The glasses and the hearts were unharmed :)

The GOAL was to motivate the correct behavior in subsequent decision-making situations. How we go about achieving this goal is tremendously important. So let’s talk for a few minutes about motivation.

Human beings are motivated by many things. I’ll group them into two broad categories: positive and negative. Negative sources include avoiding pain, fear, shame, guilt, revenge…all of these are powerful and effective at motivating behavior – but are they the right motivators? Are they the best motivators? Negative motivators are only temporary. Here’s the other thing about negative motivators: they AUTOMATICALLY drive the physical body into a state of fight or flight where all of your non-survival physiological systems are suppressed to “barely functional mode”. Digestion, sensory perception, advanced cognition, problem solving skills, temperature regulation and reproduction systems in the body are reduced to the bare minimum in order to direct as many of the body’s resources to the muscles. In a very literal sense, when you are using these emotions as motivators for your own behavior, you are half-alive. When you use these things as motivators for OTHERS’ behavior, you are effectively robbing from them the opportunity to be fully functional on a physical and emotional level. As leaders…THIS IS PROFOUND.

Positive motivators, though MUCH MORE HEALTHY, are still temporary. When we are motivated by positive goals, we may enjoy a charge long enough to carry us to the finish line. After that goal is accomplished though, we have to conjure up new motivation from a different source. We may be motivated by positive feelings toward another person – but feelings are fleeting and fickle. We may be motivated by a desire to improve our station in life, but anyone who has improved their station in life knows that the ensuing battle against “bigger and better” lingers.

So where should we look for motivation? What is the best, most effective way to push ourselves toward the goals and dreams we all have and wish to accomplish? I propose that the best motivator is the discovery of our own power to make a choice. We all have the power to choose. Every day. Every minute. Every situation. Our response, our words, our attitudes, our thoughts, our behaviors – we all have the ability to choose how we will “be”. This reality carries with it a tremendous amount of power. Even the most oppressed have the ability to choose the thoughts they foster in their own mind. Even the poorest miser has the ability to choose her attitude in the face of her plight.

Accomplishing goals is difficult. It takes hard work. We can find motivation choose to do the hard things every day that move us toward our goals simply from the fact that those goals are ours – we chose them. We value the outcomes. We choose to make changes that better ourselves, our families, our organizations on a grand scale through goals and dreams. We choose to accomplish those dreams and visions on a daily scale though habits, healthy choices and discipline. Little, daily choices support big, life choices you’ve already made. Effective, sustained motivation comes from our ability to choose. Learning the extent of our own power is the most motivating discovery we will ever make.

This topic is one I’ve been chewing on for several weeks and plan to continue on. I encourage you to chew on it as well. Here are some questions:

Which areas of my life am I settling for negative motivation in?

Do I rely on fear, shame or guilt to motivate me? Have I seen that be effective in the long term?

Where am I half-alive?

Do I USE fear, shame or guilt to motivate others?

How often do I have to “revive” my positive motivations because they haven’t lasted or because I’ve already accomplished the goal to which they were attached?

Am I keenly aware of and utilizing my power to choose?

How many of my thoughts, attitudes, responses, words and behaviors do I INTENTIONALLY CHOOSE and OWN as mine? How many do I just allow without thought or awareness of their potential to motivate or sabotage me?

Where am I not harnessing my power to choose how I will “be”?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Destinations

I've never been a big fan of resolutions, the New Year's variety or otherwise. I generally find them only temporarily motivating and ultimately very sporadic in their effectiveness. In my recent learning ventures, some nuances have particularly struck a resonant chord with me. 

Did you know that a ship that slips only a few degrees off of its intended heading can end up hundreds of miles from its desired destination if not corrected? Our lives are no different. I have discovered that in my life, course corrections that bring me back to the desired heading are a whole lot more effective than resolutions. Here's what I mean:

Nearly eight years ago, I began a process that has been directionally significant in my life - perhaps more than any other process I have undertaken. I believe this is due to the fact that through this process, I intentionally set my life's heading. I had just ended a destructive relationship, graduated from my undergrad and left the country for five weeks of recalibration. My schedule prior to that trip had been nothing short of grueling. I was exhausted. Between my body and mind finally having pause from the breakneck speed and jet lag, I slept for 16 hours every day for 2 straight weeks. After my physical body began to regain energy, I spent days at the beach. Water has always been a rejuvenating force for me; it's where I want to go when I'm running on empty. I sat with a pen and notebook for hours, just watching, thinking and breathing in ocean. Eventually I started to write. After several pages, I had a collection of determinations that answered several questions which were deeply personal and I knew MUST be answered for ME:

What do I want my life to look like? Sound like? Feel like?

What priorities will direct me?

What values am I unwilling to compromise in each key area of my life and will I use to baseline my decisions?

How will my home look? How will people feel there?

How will people feel when they finish an interaction or conversation with me?

From there, I began to isolate and articulate specific behaviors that I knew would support the answers to this first series of questions. The list was fairly long. Some of these behaviors were already part of my daily life - some weren't. The ones that were there needed to continue. The ones that weren't needed to start. After critical review, there were behaviors in which I was engaging that worked in direct opposition to my desired answers to these questions. Those needed to stop. You see, I had drifted off course in several ways. But until I took the time and effort to sit down and determine what that course was, I was powerless to correct it because I had nothing to align my behaviors with. The result of this process were two documents: one that doesn't change and one that does. 

That trip was nearly eight years ago. Every New Year's, I take time away to go back and look at the unchanging document. It's my collection of answers to that first series of questions. It's the vision and purpose for how I want my life to be and how I want others to be impacted as a result of their lives colliding with mine. Those answers and desires are birthed out of a deep set of values and convictions that, for me are lifelong. Then I work on editing that second document - it changes slightly from year to year. It is the set of actions and behaviors that facilitate the RESULTS outlined in the first document. It is my set of course corrections. It is my opportunity to really look at each of the areas in which I've identified my heading and adjust. The process is tremendously encouraging as I see where I'm on course. It's also challenging as I see where I've allowed myself to drift.

Some people differentiate these ideas by using terms like "Vision Statement" vs. "Mission Statement". I like to think of it as the difference between a destination and a road map. I have to know where I want to end up AND the daily directions of how to get there. One without the other is fairly useless. Growth is a RESULT. Destinations are a RESULT. Behaviors and habits are the CAUSES that drive those RESULTS.

This year, maybe instead of setting a bunch of resolutions that may only impact certain isolated areas of your life, take some time to think about answers to bigger questions...

Have you determined on a grander scale what you want your life to look like?

Have you decided which questions MUST be answered for YOU?

Have you answered them?

Which specific behaviors are you already doing that support those answers? War against those answers?

Which behaviors need to start in order to get back on course?

Determine your destination in every key area of your life: emotional, physical, intellectual, relational and spiritual. Then nail down the behaviors that will keep you on course and get you back on course where you've drifted. Your behaviors are always moving you toward something. Make sure you are on the right track. 

Lean forward, 

Bekka

What's in your glasses?

I was awake in the middle of last night. Unable to get back to sleep as quickly as I wanted, I did what we all do – reached for my phone to look at my facebook feed. Lame – but true. I ended up reading an article on a notoriously debated topic and against my better judgment (it was 2am), I posted a reply to the article. The topic and stances are unimportant but the responses to my comment as well as the posture of the original author signaled to me a major chasm in the way we relate to, communicate with and learn from each other. There was a distinct and profound lack of a relational skill called empathy. Why does that matter?

Empathy is the skill of being able to set your own opinions, beliefs and preferences aside in order to assume the position of the person with whom you are speaking. It is an attempt at gathering information and perspective that you do not naturally possess simply because you are not seeing things from that person’s point of view unless you intentionally leave your own for a minute. Empathy’s primary goal is UNDERSTANDING – whether that understanding ultimately results in agreement or not. Empathy asks these questions:

“Why do you feel this way?”

“What experiences have you had that have brought you to these conclusions?”

“If you were to change your viewpoint on this issue, what other beliefs would have to change as a result?”

“What does this topic look like from where you stand?”

“How do you see ME from here?”

Empathy is a prerequisite for communication – and it is MISSING in so many conversations in our world today. We are preoccupied with our own perspective and viewpoint. We are unable to temporarily disconnect our opinions and beliefs from our self-worth and self-image long enough to seek understanding of another position. We refuse to remove the lenses of our own worldview in order to look through another FOR THE SAKE OF COMMUNICATION. This doesn’t mean you abandon yourself and adopt everyone else’s perspective. It does mean that you value the interaction and the person across the table from you enough to establish the “why” behind their opinion.

Leadership is impossible without empathy. No one will follow you somewhere new if you don’t acknowledge and validate the place they already stand. Developing this leadership skill will revolutionize your conversations. It will change the way you see others. It will create credibility in you that you never thought possible. It may even lead to you reviewing and refining your own perspective to be more relatable to those who’s opinions differ from yours.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Frogs

I started reading John Maxwell’s book, “The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth” this week. I’ll be posting quite a bit from this thoughts I’m sure, but for this week, I will just say that I highly recommend the book. In his opening chapter, he touches on the concept of intentionality and tells his fathers’ riddle:

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left on the log?

The answer is five.

Decision is a whole lot different than action. Progress and growth have little to do with decision unless that decision is followed up with immediate action. Likewise, action without decision is likely to take you in a direction contrary to the place you’d like to end up.

How different might your life look today if you had acted on all the decisions you made a year ago? A month ago? A week ago?

How different might your life look in a year from now if you act on the decisions you make today?

What have you decided to do but have yet to act on your decision?

What actions are you taking that are apart from/contrary to intentional decision and planning – are you doing things that move you closer to or farther from the goals you’ve set?

What log are you still sitting on?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Make Dewey Proud

Like many businesses, mine is all about relationships and networks. I’ve learned over the last few months that part of my responsibility as a leader includes the capacity to be a librarian. We each have a responsibility to communicate effectively with a variety of styles and personality types in our day-to-day activities. The librarian role is more comprehensive than this, though.

As leaders, incumbent on us is the responsibility to motivate, connect with and inspire an equally wide variety of people. I have leaders in my organization who think and operate very differently from me. I consider this a tremendous asset as they will connect with people and networks that I would have a very hard time tapping into myself. Like me, I’m sure they are tempted to limit their learning, exposure and networking to people who are “like” them – we all do that because it’s comfortable and we don’t have to work as hard when we are in the company of people who “just get it”. What we really mean is: “People who think, operate and learn like I do.” This mindset takes a dangerous turn when we become satisfied with building teams and businesses that are limited to our personality or methods.

Having a distinct and defined culture is vitally important. Having repeatable systems is equally important. But if we bring this uniformity and consistency into our PRACTICES instead of letting it guide us on PRINCIPLE, we will end up with inbred, superior and small-minded organizations. A librarian knows about most any topic. From behind thick-rimmed glasses, she is able to successfully guide anyone searching for information to exactly what they are looking for – regardless of her own interest level in the topic. In like manner, our commitment to diversifying our exposure, information and communication styles will allow us to lead a wider variety of leaders, who in turn can lead an equally wide variety of people.

I want to be able to match a leader who learns differently from me with exactly the leadership training material that will allow him to explode into his potential, even if I thought the book was only ok.

I want to be able to be a valuable resource for anyone wanting information, even if I’m not connecting with the topic on a personal level.

I want to have a bigger view of my business than the one I can see through my own eyes. At the end of the day, I am not only responsible to know what works for me; I’m responsible to know what works for everyone I lead – including me.

We lead by example. Don’t set a narrow standard when it comes to what you allow to teach you, inform you and communicate with you. It’s our responsibility to be able to lead people who are like us as well as those who aren’t.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Zoom in

What are the top three priorities in your life?

What are three activities you are doing TODAY in order to champion and cultivate those priorities?

These are questions we should ask and have answers for each and every day. If we don’t, we will stagnate in the areas of our lives which should be growing and thriving. It takes work – a lot of work – and it is work well invested.

Lean forward,

Bekka

TKO

I passed out at the doctor’s office this morning.

I hate getting blood drawn. It’s just something I really struggle with. I’m not scared necessarily – I just fundamentally believe that blood is supposed to stay inside my body by design. That’s what skin is for. I know I have a hard time. I have never reacted this strongly, but I am never just “ok” with the scenario.

Some experiences are worse than others. Today was worse. She missed the vein and of course I felt all of that going on. I was essentially ok until she told me she missed it and I realized she was going to have to try it again. Blood pressure drops, cold sweat, hearing goes away, vision goes black and I have no control over any of these automatic processes that take over. I felt like a complete idiot and so incompetent that I couldn’t deal with something so routine. They had ice packs and water and juice and a wheelchair. They were mopping sweat off of my face and forearms – which normally are not a sweaty area in general. There were four nurses around me at one point. I’m sure it was the most exciting thing to happen so far on this Wednesday morning. Such drama. I would have immediately left if I could have stood up without the assistance of two medical professionals.

After my blood pressure and color returned to a normal state and we developed an alternative plan of action, I assessed the situation because I know this is not the last time I will have to face it. I have another appointment scheduled for next week and I would prefer to not star in today’s sequel. I realized I had failed in several key areas of preparation that could have positioned me better for success.

1.) Physical: I hadn’t eaten breakfast. This alone could have prevented the severity of my physical reaction.

2.) Mental: I could have practiced some relaxation techniques ahead of time. I didn’t feel anxious when I went in to the office, even though I knew the draw was going to happen. I wasn’t worked up but I wasn’t intentionally relaxed either.

3.) Emotional: I viewed the draw as unnecessary and stupid. The purpose was to confirm a pregnancy that I already know is legit – I’ve already had an ultrasound at another office. This draw was simply to check a box for this office. My underlying attitude was not one of acceptance – it was one of resistance.

The result of these oversights and attitude was a highly dramatic and unnecessary situation, which I would have preferred to avoid if at all possible. So, on the topic of preparation, let us ask ourselves…

In what areas are you experiencing unnecessary drama because you did not do the work of adequately preparing yourself ahead of time?

Where are you physically ignoring your body’s needs? It WILL take over eventually and overpower your ability to control its autopilot reactions.

Where do you need to anticipate possible stress and mitigate it ahead of time in order to avoid reactions in yourself you don’t want?

How are your emotions sabotaging you? Are there areas that you just need to accept as part of the process – even if you don’t think they need to be part of YOUR process? Attitude matters.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Jazz and Jacksons

In college, I played piano for our school’s Jazz Big Band. We went to a competition each year in Chicago, which meant that we got to ride a charter bus there and stay in a fancy hotel for a weekend each spring on the school’s dime. The first trip we took, our band director stood at the door of the bus and, as everyone loaded in, he handed each student three crisp $20 bills as they boarded. I had no idea what was happening, but I took the money when it was my turn without any questions. When I got onto the bus and sat down next to my drummer buddy, I looked at him and said, “What’s up with us all getting cash?” His reply, in that semi-high, smug college tone that we all know so well was,

“It’s per diem, man.”

Some of us spent the money on booze. Some on meals we hadn’t been able to afford in months. Some just pocketed the cash, ate pb&j they brought, and used it to help pay rent upon returning home. There were no questions asked about how the dollars were spent; each of us had complete liberty to use it however we wanted. I will decline to comment on how I spent mine.

This experience taught me something incredibly valuable, not just about money, but about time. Humanity is a socialist state when it comes to time – we all get the same amount to work with every day. It's per diem, man.

If someone were to make a pie chart of your time spent each day over the last 7 days, what would it look like? We can easily reach for the rose-colored glasses here and get overly optimistic on how we spend our time but I challenge you to really take an honest look at what that picture might show.

What percentage of your time is spent on IPA’s, or Income Producing Activities?

What percentage is spent building your family relationships and pouring into those you lead at home?

What percentage is spent building your team at work?

What percentage is spent on activities that benefit only you?

What percentage is spent resting and preparing yourself to be productive and effective with your waking hours?

Each of these is vitally important to personal, family, and organizational health BUT…if we get these out of balance, out of order, or neglect them completely, we are reflecting priorities that we may not want to admit are incongruent with the results we want in life. How you spend your time is THE LOUDEST VOICE to those in your world about what is most important to you and directly correlated to accomplishing your goals. Is the way you spend your time aligned with your goals? If not, perhaps it's time to adjust how you are burning your minutes - you never get them back.

Every day takes us somewhere. No matter what bus you get on today, you are handed the same 24 hours as every other person breathing. It's per diem, man - and it’s yours to spend however you choose. Try not to spend it all on booze.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Show Me the Profit

The only way to build something profitable over the long term is to make consistent, repeated, difficult, right choices over the long term. Sustained profitability takes time - a lot of it.

I define profitability in much broader terms than just financial. Profit can be tangible or intangible – concrete or more abstract. Profit simply means that the return you get from a particular endeavor is more valuable than the investment you made into it. This applies to relationships, families, business culture, teamwork, checkbooks and even objects we purchase. Any time you catch yourself quietly musing “That was totally worth it” (and not in an emotional apex moment) you’ve found something that was profitable.

We can tease this concept of intangible profitability out to as far an extent as possible, determining over a lifetime whether we feel our lives themselves have been profitable. No doubt, asking someone toward the end of their life which elements they view as profitable would lend drastically different answers than asking someone who believes they have 50-60 years left to go. Our perception of intangible profitability surely changes over time.

Waste is something that literally makes my stomach turn. However, we do need to seriously consider the idea of waste in every area of our lives we desire to be profitable. This means reducing our costs, finding more effective processes and learning how to use our resources in the most efficient ways possible. But on a more fundamental level, this means choosing the right endeavors to invest in from the start.

Considering these points, here are a few questions I’ve been asking myself:

How do I personally define “profit”? How does this definition change when I consider tangible vs. intangible profit?

Which endeavors do I need to just quit because they are wasteful? Is it a job? A relationship? An investment?

If I made a list of the activities that I’m investing my resources into on a daily basis, which ones would I earmark as profitable and which ones would fall into the “Waste” column?

If I want to be in a position of financial, emotional, intellectual and spiritual profitability, what changes do I need to make to my resource investments in order to reduce wasteful activities and increase profitable ones?

In which areas of my life do I need a reminder that profitability does take time, consistency and patience? Where am I rushing?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Getting Past the Rough

I’m reading Dave Ramsey’s book “The EntreLeader”. Let me first say that I think it is full of exceptional advice and proven content that is helpful on both a personal and professional level. Thanks, Dave.

Let me also say that Dave is…kind of a jerk. His communication style is very direct, abrupt and final. He advertises his way or the highway and basically makes you feel like an idiot if you don’t agree with and implement his methods. My communications training and background bristles nearly every page I turn and I definitely think at most points that Dave has not read (and SHOULD) “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.

But then there is that ULTRA-ANNOYING point that, regardless of how he’s coming across, HAS to be acknowledged and accepted:

He’s right.

He’s proven these practices and has the bank account to prove it. He has the success to prove it. And he has the longevity to prove it.

So, here are the questions:

Do you want to be successful badly enough to wade thru the communication differences to get to the actual message – particularly the message from those who are wildly successful in the same way you want to be?

How quickly do you toss the baby out with the bathwater of what you don’t prefer about a person you should be learning from?

How many babies have you tossed because you let “your background” stiff-arm the gold in others?

What delivery details do you need to get over in order to really get the points and the processes that will launch your team into orbit-level success?

You see what you look for…let’s all start looking for the gold and stop being so concerned about our approval level of the package it comes in.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Toe the Line

I hate rules. I generally feel that they exist solely for the purpose of my knowing exactly how far I can wander from the “required ideal” before actually getting into trouble. I understand their purpose. I understand that without them, chaos and eventual collapse would ensue. In an organization, rules exist for the same reason they exist in government and in a family – to control and predict. Rules are designed to control behaviors, with the inevitable GOAL of controlling outcomes. For example, if I require employees to arrive and be at their desks by 8am, it’s not because I get a charge out of looking out at 8:01am to see desks full of bodies working away for the company – at least it shouldn’t be. It is because I hope that if everyone begins promptly on time, I will get the most productivity and therefore the highest yield on the salaries I am paying those employees. Arriving on time (behavior) should ideally result in a higher profit margin (outcome). Managers get REALLY EXCITED at the prospect of being able to impact and control outcomes. If they think they have a system which will allow them to control and predict their outcomes, productivity and numbers…it’s VERY difficult to resist the temptation to establish a suffocating rule culture that is completely counterproductive to their end goal: growth and progress.

Don’t get me wrong – we need rules. Boundaries are a healthy thing in every area of life. I don’t like them but I don’t think we can afford to jettison them completely. The problem occurs when lose our ability to think and make decisions apart from a consultation of the rules. Too many rules constrict creativity, immobilize innovation and prevent progress BY DEFINITION. If you always do things, solve problems, complete processes according to the same rules; you will never break out of that box you have so carefully (and with the best of intentions) crafted for those you lead.

Here’s my alternative proposition: state the goal you’re trying to accomplish and allow those on your team to come up with their own strategy of how they will contribute and work toward that goal. Here’s where all the managers freak out…there’s no control in this approach other than holding people accountable to the methods THEY have chosen to get over the finish line. Of course, these methods must be reasonable and realistic – but they don’t always have to be the same. Here’s the other result of this approach: ownership. When someone makes their own plan on how to contribute, they will inevitably work with more intensity, more passion and more responsibility than if they are just following someone else’s plan. And if their own plan doesn’t work, it’s their responsibility to revamp and try again.

Break a few of your own rules – the unnecessary ones. Let your people loose. Untie their hands and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised with the result.

Lean Forward,

Bekka

Pause

I have a tendency to focus more on what I have yet to do than on what I have already accomplished. I was reminded today that taking quick pause to reflect on accomplishments – both large and small – is not only a good use of my time and energy, but also an effective motivator for the things yet unfinished on my to-do lists.

It’s Wednesday.

Take two minutes to reflect on what you’ve accomplished so far this week. Don’t put them next to the unfinished things for comparison. Just appreciate them. Appreciate yourself and be reminded that you are doing a great job at life. And it’s only Wednesday.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Tick Tock

“You don’t have time for that.”

“Time is money.”

“Stop wasting time!”

“The clock is ticking.”

“Now is the time.”

Our society is time-obsessed. We never seem to have enough for the things we want/need to do. We all have the same amount of time but most of us feel like we would appreciate another 4 hours in the day…or 8. This creates a very negative vibe around anything that doesn’t happen at our perceived speed of need.

Why do we villainize things that are “slow”? Why does our patience wear thin in the process?

We are so conditioned to having things at our disposal that anything less initiates a stress response in us.

Things that take time are not the enemy. In fact, they are generally a lot more valuable than those that happen quickly. In my basement, I have two end tables and a coffee table that I got from Ikea. I paid less than $100 for all three pieces. They are light as a feather and have little to no resale value. This is because they are made from sawdust that is glued together and stamped into shape by a machine alongside 50,000 other pieces exactly alike. Contrast this furniture set with what sits in my parents’ living room: beautiful handmade Amish pieces that were made by a real person, from real wood. My parents ordered these pieces from the shop and waited until the craftsman completed them. They are more valuable today than the day they purchased them and will continue to appreciate as long as my parents own them.

This is a pretty stark example but you could find similar points in art, agriculture, medicine, relationships and food. Homemade food just tastes better. It takes a long time to prepare and the person eating it can tell the difference. This is why people who enjoy preparing great food get irritated when others wolf it down without savor and appreciation. It took a lot of time and work to prepare – appreciation and time in consumption reflects acknowledgement of that investment.

We need to stop looking at time as a curse – some sort of jail that always screams our inadequacies back at us. When we start feeling crunched for time, some worthy questions may be:

Am I spending my time on things or investing my time into things? Will I see a return on this investment or are these minutes truly gone forever?

If I’m feeling short on time, do I need to re-evaluate my schedule and learn to gracefully say “no” to those things that are causing more stress than joy?

What am I creating with my time? Is it truly valuable?

And the questions requiring the most honesty in answering…Am I impatient because I believe the world revolves around me? Do I have a posture of grace toward those who don’t (and aren’t obligated to) operate on my schedule? Am I missing important things in my life because I am rushing thru it?

Lean forward,

Bekka

Show Up

An executive in my company has a catchphrase.

“Leaders show up.”

That’s it. It’s her motto for life and business – and she’s very successful at both.

Leaders show up. The more I think about, the deeper I dive into how broad the applications are for these three little words. Here are some questions I’m asking myself.

If you didn’t show up, can you really consider yourself a leader?

If you show up physically but are mentally and emotionally on a different planet, what does that say about how well you’re leading – yourself and your team?

Being a leader means knowing where you’re needed and knowing where you’re not…where am I showing up?

Who always shows up? Who is displaying leadership qualities that I may be overlooking?

Am I one who is leaning in to my commitments and my responsibilities or am I one who is looking for reasons to “stay home”?

How visible is my leadership? Do those following me SEE me present and engaged? What kind of example am I setting? 

Do I show up as a leader against the background of life? Am I recognizable?

Lean forward,

Bekka

The Hutch

I have a hutch in my kitchen. In it is all the glassware I use for special occasions, my wok and vases for the occasional flower arrangement that needs a home. The “shelf” of the hutch is supposed to be a transient space. Keys land there before being put away or grabbed on the way out the door. I have a fruit bowl that generally collects other random items on their way to their permanent home. And then I have the corner of the hutch where I put things that need to be addressed, just not right now. Bills that aren’t due for two weeks, credit cards that need to be activated, invitations that need to be R.S.V.P.’d to, and “things that need to be filed but I don’t want to file them right now”. These include paid bills, letters from our sponsored children, insurance statements, instruction manuals, or birthday cards I want to save. Things that need to be filed but I don’t have time or desire to file them now. I hate filling. HATE. FILING. It’s not a difficult job. It doesn’t even take very long. But I hate it.

So, when I go to get the mail every day, I sort it and put in the Pile what needs to be dealt with but I’m too busy to at that moment – even if the busy-ness is only a mental state of unwillingness or being unorganized. Every few months, the Pile becomes obnoxious. I can’t use the hutch for what it’s meant for, the kitchen processes are threatened, the fruit bowl begins to be swallowed, and I generally have a slight anxiety attack when I even look in the general direction of the hutch. It’s at that point I snap, usually stop something doing actually important, and take few minutes it takes to sort the “done” from the “undone”, pick up the “done” and walk it downstairs to the filing cabinet in my office, and get to work on taking care of the “undone” before the lights get shut off because the bill is in there…somewhere.

There is no reason – not one – that my kitchen needs to be taken over with this pile. And yet it happens every month or so without fail. The hutch is my catch-all for things that are important but not urgent. This is an important distinction to make.

There are things that are urgent but not important – these are the ones that clutter our day, make us late and cause general stress that’s unnecessary but we feel compelled to give our attention to the urgent even though it may not truly be consequential. Things we feel others expect us to do, projecting a certain image, many meetings, and watching the Oscar's live instead of DVR-ing it for a later, more convenient time all land here.

There are the urgent, important things. A fire would land in this category, an injured child, a woman in labor, a shipment being delayed because of insufficient access permissions, a deadline, or the water bill. They deserve and demand our attention immediately and are very consequential. It’s easy to find motivation to do these things because they are often associated with a sense of panic or adrenaline.

Some things are neither urgent nor important. These are usually things we enjoy doing but aren’t necessary for the daily workings of our lives. These are the things we should enjoy during free time – if we are lucky enough to have such a thing. They are important on a personal fulfillment level, but not on a practical or professional output level.

Lastly, there are the things that land on the hutch – the important but not urgent. They are important but do not require our immediate attention. There are the things we need to be intentional about because they are important even though they don’t have the “panic factor” driving us to check them off of our To Do List. Here’s the deal – these things don’t stay “not urgent”. Eventually, they will move from “Important but not Urgent”, to “Urgent and Important”. Along with the things that land in my Pile, here are a few things that call this category home:

Your child’s daily music practice.

Changing your furnace filter.

Cleaning your rain gutters.

Your relationship with your spouse.

Renewing your car insurance.

Changing the batteries in your smoke detector.

Expense reports.

R.S.V.P. to your cousin’s wedding.

Ordering printer ink.

Your health.

Eventually, you will have to stop doing something important because your Pile is taking over your life. The things you’ve neglected – things that don’t take a lot of time if you just do them – will become something you cannot ignore. Something you cannot shelf anymore. Eventually, their level of urgency will dramatically increase and will often cause a major inconvenience at best, a complete stall at worst. Eventually, you will have to rely on the “panic factor” to get them done. Everything around you will have to stop – and that rarely ends well.

What’s on your hutch?

Lean forward,

Bekka