The Basics

 “It’s your basic suck, squeeze, bang and blow.”

I was admiring a pristine Rolls Royce helicopter engine at an air show in my former career as I heard these descriptive words. Following an internal “Excuse me?...”, my jaw was positioned awkwardly on the ground – and not because the engine was so amazing.

I later learned that this is common terminology for the workings of an engine; though I am not sure the salesman’s intro comment was without ulterior inferences. In any case, the experience has stuck with me and provided me with a good amount of mental fodder to chew on. At a very high level, air is taken in to the engine where it is compressed, combustion occurs and then the air is expelled in the form of exhaust. There are more details, of course but, at the end of the day, it’s your basic suck squeeze, bang and blow…just like leadership.

1.)  Suck

How is your air supply? Engines, like leadership, are present to propel something forward. 

…To create movement.

…To facilitate progress.

With no air, there is no subsequent squeezing, banging or blowing. You must have an air supply, it must be reliable and it must be constant. In addition to engine examination, I also do yoga. Yoga is ALL ABOUT THE BREATH. My teacher is constantly reminding the class to breathe. Physiologically, your brain dies without oxygen. Your whole body depends on effective air supply. The health of your organization, your family and your business depend on you ensuring that fresh resource flows freely into it. Resource takes many forms. Find out what kind of resource(s) your business needs and then suck it in.

2.)  Squeeze

This is where all the necessary components for an explosion get smashed together. This is the chaos that precedes progress. It IS NECESSARY FOR MOTION. Don’t’ be afraid of it. It’s not supposed to be comfortable. It’s supposed to feel mildly out of control. Learn to love the squeeze – or at least to accept it as a necessary part of the whole process.

3.)  Bang

The bang is the fun part. That’s true in many things. This is where you start to feel like you’re getting somewhere and things are actually happening. Momentum gathers and you realize that the all the squeezing was for a reason and a purpose – and something is building. This is the exciting part that means things are running.

4.)  Blow

Without getting rid of the exhaust, the engine dies. It must take in fresh air and get rid of used up air. This is the same as everything in life. If we want the process to work as it should, we need to let go of the stale, used up air and not try to continue breathing it. If you breathe exhaust, you die. If you refuse to get rid of what is already used up, you will stall. The engine can’t run on old air and neither can the things you lead. Stay fresh. Don’t cling to things that need to be blown out the tailpipe of your organization.

Here’s the killer. This process is repeated by your car’s engine thousands of times between your garage and the grocery store. Seriously. There is not one revolution through this cycle; there are millions over the lifetime of the engine. There will be millions over the lifetime of your organization. GET COMFORTABLE WITH IT. It will happen over and over and over again – sometimes in the same day. The trick is to recognize where you’re at in the process and have a realistic set of expectations around that phase. If you’re ready to roll, don’t make it complicated.

It’s your basic suck, squeeze, bang and blow.

Lean forward,

Bekka

Give It Up

Leadership involves sacrifice.

Every.

Time. 

If you aren't interested in learning to appreciate and participate in sacrifice, don't expect anyone to follow you. In fact, don't expect to get anywhere you'd like to be. 

You cannot successfully lead yourself, your family, or your business to a destination that matters unless you are willing to give up things you WANT to be doing in favor of things you NEED to be doing. This is true of any personal goal that matters, any challenge that requires us to personally stretch, any process that pulls on our sense of preference in order to move us from where we ARE to where we WANT TO BE. This is not a breakthrough discovery. I think we all know and acknowledge the need to put our wants and desires in the back seat often in order to lead others toward a destination that benefits everyone in the car.

I believe there is a fundamental difference between those brilliant leaders that people are drawn toward and motivated to follow and those who others follow because they find themselves in a position where they HAVE to follow. Coming in on time to work for a boss because he is your boss is a far different story than coming in with your team an hour early and working two hours late because you are so motivated by the leader of that team and their vision to succeed on the project.

One is obligatory; the other is voluntary.

One is expected; the other is over-and-above.

One earns a paycheck; the other earns a place in a great success story.

One is what most have; the other is what most want.

I believe that fundamental difference is the way that leader speaks about their own sacrifices. How we communicate about our own sacrifices is just as important as how we communicate about any other aspect of our leadership.

1.) We should speak of it as necessary and expected

We shouldn’t downplay and spin our sacrifices as rosy or minimal. We don’t need to speak of them as desirable – just that they are necessary. When our leadership lacks sacrifice, it will only ever be about us. When we grasp the power of sacrificial leadership, the lens zooms out and it becomes about something so much bigger. Our conversation around the sacrifices we make should reflect this truth. When we focus our vision through this lens, we can communicate to those we lead that sacrifice is a natural and expected step on the leadership journey. Knowing this, we can present sacrifice as ultimately positive, even though the experience of sacrifice is negative by definition.

2.) We should speak of it as purposeful

When your life exists for the sole purpose of impacting others, you will be an effective leader. You can’t have the first without the inevitable result. The other amazing thing that happens when you lay yourself aside for a purpose larger than yourself is that you participate in a great story. No sane person sacrifices something they want for an ambiguous or vague cause. We should always, constantly, intimately know our purpose. That purpose contextualizes our sacrifices and gives them worth that they would otherwise lack apart from direct articulation to the ultimate goal.

3.) We should speak of it as the temporary means to a beautiful end

The idea of cost is intricately woven through the concept of value. The things that cost us more are those we value more highly and, in turn treat with much more care. The end for which we are sacrificing MUST be in accurate relation to the level of our sacrifice. No one would pay $100 for a PB&J. Neither would one expect to pay $5k for a new car. The cost doesn’t reflect the value of the result. Think about your end result. Is it truly beautiful? Does it reflect the value of the things you’re sacrificing now? If not, perhaps you should recalibrate what you’re giving up.

If it is, speak about the end…often.

Remind those you are leading of the destination…often.

Draw attention to how beautiful the end is and not toward how uncomfortable the means are. Speak about sacrifice in a way that inspires those you are leading THROUGH the temporary and propels them TOWARD the joy of what lies ahead. 

Lean forward, 

Bekka

Watch Your Mouth

 How do you speak about yourself? 

Your family? 

Your business? 

Is your conversation characterized with hope, vision, gratefulness, momentum, a smile? 

Or is your conversation circular, depressed, filled with lack and stagnant?

Let’s find some direction, find some vision and then wrap our conversation around these goals. Our words are powerful. Let’s start aiming them in the direction we WANT TO MOVE instead of letting them terminate at the undesirable position we may find ourselves. Change your conversation and see if your goals and aspirations don’t get a lot closer. 

Lean forward, 

Bekka

The Power of Vulnerability

Brene's TED talk, and her subsequent book Daring Greatly, are influencing every leadership thought I'm having at the moment. I will share more of that in coming weeks but, for now, I will just link that video here and then we can go from there :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

Lean forward,

Bekka

Connection

I love to read. It’s one of my vices/releases/focusers/outlets/teachers and I am diligent to incorporate it into my schedule often. I am fairly diverse in the topics I choose to read on but my preference is always writing that teaches me more about me. I don’t mean that in a narcissistic way. I just don’t believe I’m that much different from anyone else and so, in learning about myself I also learn about others. I’m smack in the middle of Brene Brown’s amazing text called Daring Greatly. I won’t rehash the themes of the book – I’ll just say “put it on your list”. And perhaps shove the top one off so it’s next in queue. It’s that good.

One of the topics she covers brilliantly is that of Connection. I’ve been chewing on the concept for several days and want to share a few of my thoughts. I’ll start with a story from a work trip I made this weekend:

My husband’s grandfather is 90+ years old. I spent Sunday morning at breakfast with him at a historic inn located in Stillwater, Minnesota. In the conversation, one of us posed the question to him, “What is the biggest change you’ve seen over the course of your lifetime?” His answer started with a comment about cell phones and how people can hardly have a conversation without pulling out their phone to “leave” those present in favor of those absent.

Reality check.

He continued to explain that before all of the tools we have to “stay connected”, there was a lot more Connection. He didn’t say it in these exact words but his message was clear. We are too busy trying to do everything that we end up accomplishing very little. We are too busy talking to everyone that we hardly truly communicate with anyone. We are so caught up in the illusion of connectivity to the world that we miss what it looks like to actually experience genuine Connection with individual people. His actual words were “Families don’t know how to be families anymore.” Activities, errands, and the busy-ness of ensuring that no one “misses out” on an opportunity ultimately result in missing out on the Connection that Brown describes as “the reason we are here and how we are neurobiologically wired.”

And again.

Connection does not equal conversation - nor does it equal communication. Often, these are the well-worn paths Connection loves to travel but they are not always necessary. What is necessary, always, is time and space. When we commit time to another person – distraction-free, focused, preoccupation-free time, we plant the seeds from which Connection explodes. When we create space to breathe, space to look at each other and listen with our whole self to ALL that person is saying with their whole self, we water the ground from which Connection rises. Time and space require a quiet mind and a quiet heart – the opposite direction from every cultural undercurrent’s tow. They require our intention, our attention and our value.

As leaders, we must be militant about remembering Connection with those who look toward and follow us. We must be committed to Connection with those who walk alongside us on our leadership path. We must be intentional about Connection with those who are a few mile markers ahead – like Grandpa – who so beautifully remind us that oftentimes less really is more. 

Less busy-ness equals more accomplishment. 

Less talking equals more communication. 

Less noise equals more volume on the things we really need to hear. 

Less connectivity equals more Connection.

In which of these areas do you need to recalibrate your brain?

In your world, who is desperate for Connection with you? 

Understanding that it's how what we are designed for, do you truly value Connection as  "the reason we are here"?

Are you willing to find areas, not where you can do more, but where you can intentionally do less IN ORDER TO EXPERIENCE MORE?

Lean forward, 

Bekka

Can you see it?

This past weekend, I held a training morning for the leaders in my company. One of the things we discussed was defining what “success” means to each of us. I’ve mentioned this before at a high level but I want to dive in a little deeper to the importance of being specific about your mental picture of success. Definition creates direction. Not until you can clearly see what you’re shooting for can you take steps toward it.

Vague and non-specific descriptors of success will accomplish several outcomes.

1.)  Frustration

Every action is a cause. Every cause creates an effect. When you take an action that lacks a direct articulation to the DESIRED end result, you will experience an effect apart from that desired result. Embedded in this principle is the assumption that you know – inside and out – your desired result. Unless you do, you can’t tie your actions to it. And unless your actions are tied to it, you will experience the frustration that comes from ending up in a place you weren’t intending to go.

2.)  Waste

I hate waste. I hate wasted time, energy, money, attention…I hate it all. To me, waste equals a lack of stewardship of the resources God has entrusted to each of us. I take it very seriously – and I know I’m not alone. Knowing that I could have chosen to spend my time effectively and didn’t causes me literal grief. How much resource do we waste every day simply because we don’t have a goal to direct those resources toward? How potent could our lives, our businesses, our families be if we took the time to stop and asses where we really want to be in 20, 10, five years? In one year? In one month? Thanks to Dave Ramsey, most of us know the difference it makes when we tell our money where to go instead of just letting it go where it will. This is a powerful principle that, through our finances, affects our entire life. How much more impact would we see in our lives if we applied this same principle to our time, our attention and our energy?

3.)  Apathy

When you fail to accomplish a vague task, it’s easy to make excuses. It’s easy to find all the reasons why we couldn’t get around to finishing it because it wasn’t very clear what we were actually doing anyway. Lack of clarity and definition around what our lives are about allows us to live in a lazy way without much consequence. I don’t want to be apathetic. I have a tremendous amount of resource, talent, time and earning potential. God has given me everything I need for life. I have a responsibility to create as much good with it as I possibly can – for others AND for my family. I want to figure out where I’m going and then floor it. I don’t want to get to the end of my life with a bunch of unused resource and potential. I want to use it all in a magnificent effort to create good.

Consider the difference: “I want a better life for myself and my family” versus “I want to put my kids in private school, take four learning-centered vacations each year, learn a foreign language with my family and own a beach home where my family and my friends can vacation and recharge.”

Another difference: “I want to make more money” versus “I want to make enough money each year to call the charities of my choice and ask them what their most pressing needs are – then write a check to finance it. I want to build a well in each country on the African continent by the time I’m 40. In the next five years, want to purchase an RV, a boat and a hot tub. And I want to visit each of my sponsored children on their birthday in the next five years.”

And lastly, “I want to travel” versus “I want to take vacations to Greece, Italy, French Polynesia and Lake Tahoe over the next ten years.”

Do you see the difference? One is generic – the other is personal. One is bland – the other is vibrant. One is boring – the other is exciting. One seems distant and static – the other creates movement and invites you.

The way I’ve chosen to create this definition of success in my own life is to use a Vision Board. I found creating it to be a fantastic and useful exercise for me. On it are pictures of things, ideas, people, places that I want to be part of my life before I am done with it – many of which you just read about. I highly encourage you to make one.

One of my leaders said to me after the training this weekend, “Look how much we’ve accomplished without focus. Imagine what it could look like if we aimed all of our firepower in the same direction.” That’s what I’m talking about.

Lean Forward,

Bekka

CO$T

I read an article the other week about a man who had twelve kids. He raised them all in such a way that among several other examples of self-responsibility, they each paid for their own college tuition. This is impressive if you have one child – let alone twelve. He seemed obsessed with the idea of using his children’s childhood primarily as a training ground for them to be responsible and successful in their adult life. As a fairly new parent, this truly inspired me.

One example he gave of empowering his kids to learn involved his 15-year-old son changing the oil in the family car for the first time. Refusing his dad’s offer for instruction, he disappeared into the garage. After about an hour, he returned asking how much more oil his dad thought the car would take. He had just drained 18 quarts of oil into the car’s radiator. His dad didn’t get mad – instead he chose to take the opportunity to walk his son thru the process of correcting a mistake and completing a task as requested. He paid for a radiator flush and the correct materials, all the while graciously and carefully walking his son thru each step of the process. I was so inspired by this father who chose to use a situation many would have considered a disaster as a classroom. He didn’t require financial repayment for the mistake – he covered that. But he did demonstrate (while including his son) the time required to make things right after poor planning causes an undesirable situation. He helped his son learn what it meant to take responsibility for a mistake, fix the damage and follow thru on what he was asked to do in the first place. I remember thinking after I read it, “Learning is expensive.”

Now, before we get side-tracked into a myopic simplification that “kids are expensive”, remember that student loan payment you just made. Learning is expensive – at every age. And even if the lesson is “free”, the time it takes to learn is pricey. Take a few minutes to think about how much more time, dialog and attention it takes to teach someone how to do something versus just doing it yourself. I believe this is a huge reason we as leaders fail to excel at teaching others. 

It is time-costly. 

It is attention-costly. 

It is an investment we underestimate the cost of and as a result, we often start lessons we never finish. This can damage valuable trust we have built with those we lead. Teaching takes patience, empathy, grace and tolerance. Before you embark teaching a “lesson”, take a few minutes to remind yourself of these qualities that you will be required to demonstrate…repeatedly. Get your head right from the outset. Commit to be a good teacher, not just someone who already knows how to do a task.