CO$T

I read an article the other week about a man who had twelve kids. He raised them all in such a way that among several other examples of self-responsibility, they each paid for their own college tuition. This is impressive if you have one child – let alone twelve. He seemed obsessed with the idea of using his children’s childhood primarily as a training ground for them to be responsible and successful in their adult life. As a fairly new parent, this truly inspired me.

One example he gave of empowering his kids to learn involved his 15-year-old son changing the oil in the family car for the first time. Refusing his dad’s offer for instruction, he disappeared into the garage. After about an hour, he returned asking how much more oil his dad thought the car would take. He had just drained 18 quarts of oil into the car’s radiator. His dad didn’t get mad – instead he chose to take the opportunity to walk his son thru the process of correcting a mistake and completing a task as requested. He paid for a radiator flush and the correct materials, all the while graciously and carefully walking his son thru each step of the process. I was so inspired by this father who chose to use a situation many would have considered a disaster as a classroom. He didn’t require financial repayment for the mistake – he covered that. But he did demonstrate (while including his son) the time required to make things right after poor planning causes an undesirable situation. He helped his son learn what it meant to take responsibility for a mistake, fix the damage and follow thru on what he was asked to do in the first place. I remember thinking after I read it, “Learning is expensive.”

Now, before we get side-tracked into a myopic simplification that “kids are expensive”, remember that student loan payment you just made. Learning is expensive – at every age. And even if the lesson is “free”, the time it takes to learn is pricey. Take a few minutes to think about how much more time, dialog and attention it takes to teach someone how to do something versus just doing it yourself. I believe this is a huge reason we as leaders fail to excel at teaching others. 

It is time-costly. 

It is attention-costly. 

It is an investment we underestimate the cost of and as a result, we often start lessons we never finish. This can damage valuable trust we have built with those we lead. Teaching takes patience, empathy, grace and tolerance. Before you embark teaching a “lesson”, take a few minutes to remind yourself of these qualities that you will be required to demonstrate…repeatedly. Get your head right from the outset. Commit to be a good teacher, not just someone who already knows how to do a task.