Talking to myself

I recently heard an incredibly intelligent woman conduct a leadership exercise in a class I was part of. She had everyone put two columns on a sheet of paper then list their top three leadership strengths in one column and their top three weaknesses/areas for improvement in the other. The next step was to rate each of the weaknesses on a scale of 1-10 in order of intensity. She was finished talking about strengths at that point. J So the weaknesses were rated: 1 being “I can barely perform this skill to a noticeable degree” and 10 being “Any improvement on this would move it to the Strengths column”. So we all rated our weaknesses. Mine were all between 4-6 on the scale, as were most of the people’s at my table. Then the woman asked a very interesting question.

“Why so high?”

Everyone was confused at first, many raising hands to express their concern over what they were missing. She answered one of the people.

Instructor: “What was your rating?”

Person: “4”

Instructor: “Why not 1?”

Person: “Because I am able to do this – definitely not as well as I would like to but I CAN do it. I’m wouldn’t give myself a 1 because I could absolutely be a LOT worse at it but…….OK…..I get it.”

The point of this exercise was simple – when we change the way we TALK about the things we want to improve, our confidence builds and we get a more accurate picture of what our capabilities ACTUALLY are, not just the way we feel about performing a certain task or skill. When we change the question, we begin to give reasons why we CAN succeed instead of why we DON’T succeed…even if it is as seemingly insignificant as a skill we don’t think we are good at.

How are you talking about yourself? Your skills? Your abilities?

Are you looking for the reasons you are capable, strong, competent? Or are you looking to provide justification for inability, unwillingness or lack of effort?

If you’re on the 3^rd rung of a 10-step ladder, are you more discouraged because you’re on step #3 than you are empowered because you are actually ON THE LADDER?

Does your goal seem far away? Does that weigh you down? Maybe you need to assess the distance between you and the starting line and draw confidence from the fact that you’re not standing at the start anymore.

Why so high?

Change the questions you’re asking. It will change the way you talk to yourself. And that changes everything.

Lean forward,

Bekka